i just got the new iLife from this girl at my work and i was checking out the new iPhoto and found some photos of myself that i havent seen since they were taken about 3 years ago. normally i feel some nostalgia when i look at old photographs, but what i saw was a complete stranger to me. that period of my life i truly morphed into something i was not. i dont have a specific reason, it just happened and i never noticed the change happening. looking back a few people thought of this as one of the healthier periods of my life. this thought really scares me. i was living a complete lie to myself and i was extremely unhealthy. i wore women's clothes and grew my hair long. this was the only time in my life i tried to live in a feminine way--and it wasn't so bad so long as i had a slew of drugs in my system to make me numb to it. it got to a point a few times where i looked really sickly from a lack of nutrition. it wasn't an eating disorder per se, more just me forgetting that my body was hungry from the intense amount of drugs i was taking. i cant really blame anything or anyone. it's a period of my life that i gradually lost myself to. what's odd to me is how much i don't remember. i guess it makes sense when you're using drugs... but i found these pictures of myself and i truly feel like i was sleeping through those years and someone else took over my body. i dont mean to be dramatic. of course there were good times, ive got the pictures to prove it. but when i see them, i see an opiate-smile and a person attempting to trick themselves.
if you were hoping to see these photos, too bad bitches.
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