Unemployment

I don't think you can quite experience feeling stir crazy until you are unemployed and back in your hometown, which just so happens to be the heart of the rust belt. My days usually start around 10-11am, which isn't by choice... if I could sleep longer, it might keep that agitated feeling at bay. But anyways, that's not the point. My first thought when I wake up every day is usually wondering how I can possibly fall back asleep and make the day go by quicker. Then after tossing and turning for at least 30 minutes I get up and get dressed. I don't shower every single day because who's really paying attention? I muster up the small amount of energy I have, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and then take my medication. This is where things start to get grim. It might seem simple but every morning that I do this, I know it's one morning closer to when I will lose my health insurance and have to go cold-turkey off of this shit that quite honestly saved my life. Every morning I fear for my life to some extent. I don't mean to be dramatic here, but if you had spoken with me early in 2008, you would understand exactly what I mean by this. Without work, I have very little to occupy the vast amounts of free time that I have except constant worry and anxiety.

Unemployment seems like a nice break to do things you wouldn't have time to do if you were working, but this is very far from the truth for the most part. I do spend some of the time playing music and writing, but I feel my brain is blocked by more intrusive thoughts most days, which paralyze me to some extent. The reality of unemployment is that most of your days are spent worrying about finances, figuring out how to get by, applying for jobs in a state where there are none, and for me, awaiting a very harsh reality when the detox begins. This is when I pull up my blanket, sit on the couch in the living room and watch Jeopardy re-runs, anxiously awaiting sleep.