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The Colonial House

2009-03-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

Today I was driving down Monroe Street coming back from the bank and I noticed this old run-down building that used to be this semi-fancy restaurant. I probably pass this building everyday at least 2 or 3 times but never really paid any attention to it. I remember it had rather large fires in it twice back when I was a kid. It made me start thinking and I'm pretty sure this was arson for insurance reasons. I don't know any of this for certain, but it's the only explanation I could think of for one business having two major fires. That's become rather common in this area since people cannot get any value from their homes or businesses and most everyone is out of work so this seems like the only way out without losing everything. Anyways, this happened years ago and what is left is this boarded up building with a rusted out sign and an advertisement that the land is available for lease. I don't know the specifics of the story or what happened, but this lot has been vacant since long before I even left for college in 2001.

Looking back this area was on the decline long before I bothered to notice. Business after business shutting their doors, people packing up and leaving in droves, massive amounts of foreclosures and somehow I'm here. I'm pretty sure that I'm one of the few that want to be here. An exception to the rule I guess. Whenever I go out to a bar, I'm met with the same questions each time I show my Washington state ID card: why the fuck are you here? It's too complicated to explain to a stranger but I always say the same thing: I have no idea. But the truth is, I do know and I don't regret it in the slightest. I anticipate there will be many more buildings that end up like the Colonial House and I anticipate there will be many more hurdles in my life before I feel grounded again and all of that just makes me think that I'm exactly where I belong.

Unemployment

2009-03-05T13:49:00.000-08:00

I don't think you can quite experience feeling stir crazy until you are unemployed and back in your hometown, which just so happens to be the heart of the rust belt. My days usually start around 10-11am, which isn't by choice... if I could sleep longer, it might keep that agitated feeling at bay. But anyways, that's not the point. My first thought when I wake up every day is usually wondering how I can possibly fall back asleep and make the day go by quicker. Then after tossing and turning for at least 30 minutes I get up and get dressed. I don't shower every single day because who's really paying attention? I muster up the small amount of energy I have, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and then take my medication. This is where things start to get grim. It might seem simple but every morning that I do this, I know it's one morning closer to when I will lose my health insurance and have to go cold-turkey off of this shit that quite honestly saved my life. Every morning I fear for my life to some extent. I don't mean to be dramatic here, but if you had spoken with me early in 2008, you would understand exactly what I mean by this. Without work, I have very little to occupy the vast amounts of free time that I have except constant worry and anxiety.

Unemployment seems like a nice break to do things you wouldn't have time to do if you were working, but this is very far from the truth for the most part. I do spend some of the time playing music and writing, but I feel my brain is blocked by more intrusive thoughts most days, which paralyze me to some extent. The reality of unemployment is that most of your days are spent worrying about finances, figuring out how to get by, applying for jobs in a state where there are none, and for me, awaiting a very harsh reality when the detox begins. This is when I pull up my blanket, sit on the couch in the living room and watch Jeopardy re-runs, anxiously awaiting sleep.

canada kills

2007-09-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

random shit on my brain:

- im in love with the most amazing person in the world. nik and i have the best communication and fun of anyone i have ever known. she knows me well enough to truly know what's good for me, not just what she wants to be good for me. she's beautiful, selfless, and one of the kindest people i've ever met.

- im not that excited about vancouver. it seems to be an ok place, but not THAT amazing.

- i hate border patrol. they make me feel like a felon when im not doing anything wrong.

- i am registered for classes and excited about it.

- nik and i are finally getting motivated about working on music seriously. we're both fed up with our intense level of procrastination.

- in regards to vancouver... my liver hurts.

- i love seattle.

- student loans freak me out.

the seattle fam

2007-09-11T00:08:00.000-07:00

so last week my bff from michigan/louisiana moved to seattle and is living with nik and i. we will likely get a bigger place soon. it is so much fun hanging out with megs. yesterday we went to discovery park and hiked a few miles through the most gorgeous woods to the beach. when we left the beach, we could hear some sea lions (or something) barking on the beach. it was a lot of fun. here's some pics:

megs looking for weird wood things:

me in some water shoes:

getting meghan away from the blackberries was extremely difficult. i think by the end of the day, she had consumed roughly 2 or 3 pounds of blackberries.

Sarah Rhoads Photo

2007-08-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

our friend sarah rhoads is a kick ass photographer and took us out on an adventure sunday to get pictures of nik and i. despite many moments of me feeling awkward, she seemed to capture every moment of us being ourselves. if you have any need for photos, she is amazing. here are some samples from sunday:

then and now

2007-08-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

i just got the new iLife from this girl at my work and i was checking out the new iPhoto and found some photos of myself that i havent seen since they were taken about 3 years ago. normally i feel some nostalgia when i look at old photographs, but what i saw was a complete stranger to me. that period of my life i truly morphed into something i was not. i dont have a specific reason, it just happened and i never noticed the change happening. looking back a few people thought of this as one of the healthier periods of my life. this thought really scares me. i was living a complete lie to myself and i was extremely unhealthy. i wore women's clothes and grew my hair long. this was the only time in my life i tried to live in a feminine way--and it wasn't so bad so long as i had a slew of drugs in my system to make me numb to it. it got to a point a few times where i looked really sickly from a lack of nutrition. it wasn't an eating disorder per se, more just me forgetting that my body was hungry from the intense amount of drugs i was taking. i cant really blame anything or anyone. it's a period of my life that i gradually lost myself to. what's odd to me is how much i don't remember. i guess it makes sense when you're using drugs... but i found these pictures of myself and i truly feel like i was sleeping through those years and someone else took over my body. i dont mean to be dramatic. of course there were good times, ive got the pictures to prove it. but when i see them, i see an opiate-smile and a person attempting to trick themselves.

if you were hoping to see these photos, too bad bitches.

......

2007-08-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

I think I am giving up on blogging anything personal here. Everytime I sit down with the best of intentions but the truth is, most of the people who come to read this are people I wouldn't want to know the things I need to say. I can't really control who views this page and knowing that inhibits me from writing what I want to, and that makes this about as worthless as a family newsletter in terms of unimportant updates. Nik and I will likely continue to post periodic updates in the more general sense of things (that's pretty much all we've done anyways).

I will continue the more personal things under Myspace (with protections) so only like 2 people can read them or just a regular notebook. A lot is going on right now and I really need to write somewhere. If you can't view my Myspace entries, don't be insulted, most people can't (even really close friends). I'm not really using it like a blog, more of a journal for my use and that of 1 or 2 close friends. Not that I have anything of great importance to say, I just don't feel like being an exhibitionist about any of it.

tired

2007-07-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

sorry it has been so long since we've updated. today is the first day i feel up to being on my computer. more updates to come soon.

P.S.

2007-07-02T21:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not saying that I'm very angsty these days. That last post was partially to motivate me to get off my ass and feel something again. The news doesn't surprise me anymore and I've come to expect the unbelievable bullshit from Bush and his cowboy friends in office. So mostly, I'm pissed at myself for not being more pissed at the way things are.

Incase you haven't noticed, the chipping away of my apathy has caused me to be stuck in my head a lot (thus, the need to write blogs every 10 seconds).

United States of Apathy

2007-07-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I always think that the Bush administration couldn't possibly get away with anything else. I always think... this time, they are busted. I always think, 'oh this will totally get him impeached.' And then today I read this article.

My thought now is what WON'T they get away with? Seriously, they ignore a subpoena for documents, pardon Libby from serving time in prison, start a war that doesn't even have an active plan for any foreseeable ending, and yet Paris Hilton goes to jail for 30 days over driving intoxicated. I don't agree with drunk driving by any means, but it seems the damage she caused is miniscule in comparison. I find it funny that the court has to prove that famous people have to be held accountable in the case of Paris Hilton or Martha Stewart, but Libby gets out of his sentence and we write it off as another dirty move in the Bush administration.

Jesus fucking christ people, what else do they have to do to get your attention?

9 more days.

2007-07-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

So forgive me again for yet another cryptic post about this date. Most of the people who read this probably know exactly what I'm talking about, but just incase I am still going to remain relatively discreet. I should be at least a little bit worried, but I'm not. A couple of people have asked me if I am getting nervous, because they are. I probably should be a little bit. I guess there is no good reason to stress out. Stress just gives me physical ailments like headaches and stomach problems, so I see no real benefit of bringing that about.

I sort of had a slight melt down the other night. Not about this date, but just a lot of overly built up stress from the last month or so of non-stop activity. It was one of the first nights I had to myself to just relax and I think my brain spilled over the edge a bit. Anyways, I honestly don't even remember much of what I was freaking out about anymore. I feel much better and this weekend really helped Nik and I wind down from all of the chaos of the month of June.

The weather was effing amazing this weekend. Nik and I walked over to Cal Anderson, which looked like a beach with so many people laying around, playing frisbee and walking their dogs. We laid in the grass and I read really bad feminist poetry I picked up from Vivace Coffee. The sun felt so great. Afterwards, we walked around Broadway and came home. Actually we did that today too. We didn't lay in the grass today, because the pesticides or something made us itchy. I really love Cal Anderson. It's quiet, despite being in the city. The bums don't bother me. The jocks don't bother me. The drug addicts huddle under trees. The kids play on the playground or in the fountain. The field looks surreal to me sometimes. I don't mean to sound so cheesy, but it gives me a sense of peace that I only ever got from this cemetary by my parents house that I would ride my bike to as a kid. The park is quite simply the biggest mix of people you can find. Homeless, drug addicts, dykes, gay boys, overly serious tennis players, baseball players, soccer players, basketball groups, moms and babies, dad's and kids, teenagers with greasy hair and ill-fitted clothes, club-goers, hippies in circles, siblings, elderly people, leather daddies and sports rejects having fun despite sucking.

I have no idea why i am writing all of this. I am relaxed for the first time in awhile. I also thought I should write that the countdown from quite awhile ago is nearing it's end.

MRSA: In the news and in my house

2007-06-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

About a week ago on Friday evening Nik complained that her chest hurt and she had a small red spot on her left side. Not thinking much of it, we went to bed. On Saturday morning she slept really late and when I woke her she said her left side hurt really bad. I looked and the red spot had swollen up and spread over her entire upper left chest. I started looking up the symptoms and figured out she had cellulitis, but this was really vague and didn't explain why it was spreading so fast. She had really bad fevers and kept sleeping. Her friend from Michigan was coming in later that night and I said she needed to find a quick care but she refused. After debating the cost of an ER visit and whether it was necessary, she said if it got any worse she would go in later that night. We agreed and she fell back asleep.

Two hours later (at 2pm) I woke her up again and she was drenched in sweat and breaking another high fever. We looked at her chest and the infection had spread another two inches and was increasingly swollen and there was a large lump under her skin. She was complaining of her heart feeling strange. Being that the infection was located directly over her heart she finally agreed to go to the hospital.

Once in the ER (after a long delusional 2 blocks trying to get her there) they put her in isolation. The nurse said she had MRSA (a staph infection resistant to certain antibiotics). They gave her a last resort type of antibiotic that causes adverse reactions in most everyone. Once they started it, about a quarter of the way through Nik started itching really badly and we buzzed the nurse who shut off the IV and gave her about 5 vials of Benadryl and waited for the allergic reaction to calm down before starting the antibiotic again. After about 2 or 3 hours of antibiotics (and a prescription for 2 more), we were told we could leave as long as we came back if it didn't start going away. As Nik was standing up she got really dizzy and the nurse took her pulse and blood pressure, which had sky-rocketed. After waiting another 30 minutes of them monitoring her blood pressure, she was finally discharged (still feverish and in pain). The pain she felt wasn't like a little ache, it was extremely painful to even have the bed sheet over her skin.

She is doing much better now and the infection has almost entirely gone away, but the nurse said she was lucky she came in when she did considering how fast it was spreading. Now I'm seeing MRSA in the news everywhere. Apparently it is really common with IV drug users. I think the intake nurse might have thought she used IV drugs, but she was really nice regardless of whatever was going through her head.

Another step backward for the US

2007-06-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I wrote but I can't believe what I'm reading right now. It's an article about the supreme court banning the use of race to assign students to certain public schools (even to ensure diversity). Here is an actual segment of the article below:

The ruling was a victory for groups of white parents who sued the Seattle and Louisville districts, saying their children were turned away from their preferred schools because of their race.

(Read more)

Oh wah wah wah. Seriously, all of those people that were responsible for this "victory" should be castrated and not allowed to breed. Are Americans that dumb that they don't realize that even with the racial/gender-based assignments, the schools will still be dominated by white people?

Oh but my little brat didn't get to go to the school they wanted to? Waaaaannnnhhhh.... Here, suck on this. Now because you have 'protected' your spoiled, self-indulgent child's "right" to go to the school of his/her choice, now thousands of people from varying cultures will not get that opportunity.

If a handicap parking space weren't reserved for the handicap, that doesn't mean that you would have been able to park there. The spot would still have been taken by someone who woke up earlier and drove faster than you to get there. Chances are your stupid kid will still be stuck in the same crappy public school that they deserve anyways because I highly doubt with such dumb parents, that they are at the top of the list for the good schools. So thanks for your whining, go put on your white robes and burn a cross, assholes.

Family Visit

2007-06-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

My family came in this past Saturday and they're here until the 16th. I was really nervous about how things would go. So far it's been a wonderful trip. The weather could be better, but it's so nice to see my whole family and spend time with each of them individually. I will have photos (courtesy of my mom) and more details later. I need to get to sleep. I'm fighting my second cold in a month and all of these tourist activities are quite exhausting.

Microsoft Vaccines? Yikes!

2007-06-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Gates refers to his philanthropic work as "solving inequity," as if it were a long-division problem. When Gates looks at the world, a world in which millions of preventable deaths occur each year, he sees an irrational, inefficient, broken system, an application that needs to be debugged. It shocks him — his word — that people don't see this, the same way it shocked him that nobody but he and Allen saw the microchip for what it was. "We had just assumed that if millions of children were dying and they could be saved, the world would make it a priority to discover and deliver the medicines to save them," he said in his Harvard speech. "But it did not."

- Time Magazine: Bill Gates Goes Back to School -

While I sincerely commend Bill Gates for putting forth his energy and resources to help people, I'm hoping the method in which he does this is completely different from the what was used to create Vista. I'm hope he realizes there isn't a ctrl+alt+delete for humans aside from a nuclear holocaust. Not that anyone could do more damage than the Bush administration.

School, Job, Family and HEAT

2007-06-07T00:32:00.000-07:00

Today I confirmed my admission for the doctoral program (not without a minor hiccup). Anyways, I start back to school in the Fall and I'm really excited because now I'm more settled and can afford to pay my bills at the same time. This was my reason for moving to Seattle and a year later I am finally able to begin the work.

In other news, Nik started her new job this week with her old manager getting a start-up company in Ballard up and running. It sounds like it's going to be an amazing place. I can't give more details yet because it is not open yet. She is really happy about the opportunity and it is so nice to see her working for a company she believes in and who likewise believes in her.

This Saturday my family is coming to town.. all 7 of them plus 1 boyfriend. I'm so excited to see them and show them around Seattle. I wish I had the week off of work but I need the vacation time for my cryptic posts.

P.S. Contrary to popular belief, you DO need an a/c in Seattle. Global warming is a bitch.

Cryptic pt. 2

2007-06-01T00:58:00.000-07:00

A while ago I posted about a significant event taking place in 75 days. Now there is only 39 days, 22 hours and 59 minutes left. The counter that was on my site got deleted when I changed the layout (which I still don't like).

I'm sort of becoming bored of Blogger, at least Livejournal encouraged some socialization. I suppose maybe I should use this to actually WRITE instead of just blabbering on about a countdown for something most people are clueless about.

Grad School

2007-06-01T00:57:00.000-07:00

I've pretty much decided that I'm going to go back to school this fall. Last fall I deferred my admission to grad school for a year due to the fact I wasn't yet settled in Seattle, things were rocky with my family and I didn't have a job yet. I really just wasn't ready yet. I needed time to let the events from the year prior sink in and settle first. But now I have steady employment, we've got furniture, my family is coming to visit soon, and Nik and I have lived here long enough to know the city.

Speaking of family, it is harder than it seems to find a place for 7 or 8 people in the summer.

Coming soon: Final word on grad school, Nik's new job and freaky blog (and real-life) stalkers.

Ugly pre-made backgrounds

2007-05-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

I will get around to making my own custom background one of these days. In the meantime, you will have to deal with the shitty pre-made options that Blogger has. Sorry.

Quick Updates:

Nik got a new bike, a 1983 Suzuki FA 50
Karissa had a birthday
My work is having a party tomorrow that will appropriately end at 80's night at Neighbours
Nik is starting a new job soon but I will let her update on that.
We are working on a project that I think is going to be really cool because it is actually turning out. (Can't explain it yet)
I'm still recovering from a nasty cold... but definitely better.
My whole family is coming to Seattle for a visit in early June.
My mom and I are slowly but surely mending our somewhat estranged relationship.

In summary, things are good.

Nik and I have been really busy lately so the lack of updates seems to be a consequence.

......

2007-05-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I am keeping this blog. Everything that I want to write about at this moment I am not comfortable putting on here so I 'm not really sure what the point is, except to keep posting photos now and then. I guess that's alright too, I just find myself not really sure what to say.

I've been thinking a lot about school again lately. I deferred my admission to grad school one year and it's about that time of year to decide for sure what I want to do in regards to that. Part of me thinks I should just suck it up and go and the rational part of me thinks I'm nuts for wanting to go back to school for that long and get into so much debt. It's something I want to be really certain about. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap.

Cryptic

2007-04-25T01:06:00.000-07:00

So due to the personal nature of this post, it will seem extremely cryptic and meaningless to about 95% of those who read it and I apologize. For those of you who know me pretty well, you will know what I am talking about when I say I set it up today.

July 10th.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing this is. I have a countdown going on my computer and I am happy to answer any questions via email. I'm turning off the comments on this post, so those of you who do know, won't say anything on accident.

75 days 22 hours 47 minutes.....

Coming Out Party

2007-04-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

Nik, James and I were playing Wheel of Fortune on the original NES system and the clue was "Event." None of us could figure it out and it turned out to be "Coming Out Party." James said he never had a Coming Out Party and Nik and I hadn't either, so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to have one. Since the game was made in the 80's, we thought it would be fitting to celebrate it on 80's night at Neighbours. So last Thursday Nik, Megs (from Baton Rouge), Tobin, James, Erica, Karissa, Sam, Tiffany, Tyson, Joe, Deborah and Breanna went to Neighbours dressed in our best 80's attire. A few of us wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate being gay the 80's way and we did a bunch of poppers throughout the night. It's true that I remember very little due to the level of intoxication, but I do remember the following highlights:

1. Thriller dance
2. Dancing
3. Drunk-dialing my dentist's office at 4:30am
4. Falling asleep in the bathroom stall.
5. Buying Tobin a Toblerone because it sounded like his name.
6. Eating nasty Pita Pit.

Here are a couple photos from the house and the remainder are from the girl's bathroom at Neighbours:

Tiffany and Sam in the best 80's outfits ever:

Joe being Cure-esque:

In the bathroom at Neighbours:

My Surprise!!

2007-04-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

For months Nik has been taunting me about a surprise she had planned. She wouldn't give any clues except that I needed some time off of work. I took the days off (last week) not knowing what she was getting me. I was allegedly getting my surprise on Wednesday, so on Tuesday night I went with Karissa to get her hair cut and then to Six Arms for drinks while we waited for Nik to get out of work. She had said that someone slipped and fell and she was being called in. So at Six Arms I sat there sending text messages to cheer her up about being called in and she finally arrived around 9ish.

We were sitting down snacking and when she said she had to use the restroom. Out of nowhere, my friend Meghan from Michigan (currently living in Baton Rouge) sits down next to me. We haven't seen each other for more than a few seconds in about 2 years. Those two had been planning a surprise visit since January! You have to understand how weird it is to see someone that you haven't seen in a long time, just pop up next to you. Anyways, those two planned the whole event without hardly knowing one another.

Meghan stayed in Seattle from Tuesday thru Saturday and it was effin' rad. It was so nice to see her and talk to her in person again. I swoon over the fact that Nik planned this whole thing out and knew how much it would mean to me to see her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Karissa was in on it too, that is why she enlisted me for haircutting advice. I don't get too sentimental, but I really felt so much love from these people in my life. Seriously, I cannot imagine a more amazing group of friends. I mean, who does such nice things for people anymore?? I have the best gf in the world--hands down.

On a Ferry to Bainbridge Island (just for the ride):

Pics from Post Alley:

Contact

2007-03-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

I turned the comments feature on so send us love!

Pi

2007-03-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

It's quite possible that this is the most brilliant song ever written.

Furniture

2007-03-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

fur·ni·ture [fur-ni-cher] –noun
1. the movable articles, as tables, chairs, desks or cabinets, required for use or ornament in a house, office, or the like.
2. fittings, apparatus, or necessary accessories for something.
3. equipment for streets and other public areas, as lighting standards, signs, benches, or litter bins.
4. Also called bearer, dead metal. Printing. pieces of wood or metal, less than type high, set in and about pages of type to fill them out and hold the type in place in a chase.

This was the word I misspelled in the 3rd grade spelling bee.

"furniture. f-u-r-n-a-t-u-r-e. furniture."

I'm not sure I will ever forget that. I was devastated and I walked through the cafeteria to where my dad was sitting and cried. This word seems to have plagued me the last few years since I have been out of school because I have very little. I have moved 4 times since I left school, 3 of which were all within 20-30 minutes of one another. I had decided until I was sure that I wouldn't be moving for awhile or could afford to have people help me move, I only wanted to keep the valuable or irreplaceable things. This meant no furniture.

But latelly Nik and I have grown tired of alternating between the bed and the kitchen table and we decided to get a couch. This is the first couch we've purchased and I'm excited. I don't know that we will live here forever, or even if we could afford to have movers just yet, but I do know that I will be excited to sit on the couch with Nik and look out at the view of the city.

Casual Games

2007-02-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

So as some of you already know, I work at a major online gaming company. There are quite a few of these located in the Seattle region and someone (supposedly from another company) wrote these two articles:

Customer Support Confidential
Customer Support Confidential: Know Your Enemy.

They are frighteningly accurate.

Excedrin = Crack

2007-02-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

The other night I had a headache and took 2 Excedrin for it. I don't really drink any soda, coffee or tea so I live a mildly caffeine-free life. About a half hour later I was wide awake and restless. I kept tossing and turning.. Nik (who also had a headache) was having the same problem. Finally at 2:30am I went out to the living room and started to read Conduct Unbecoming: Gays and Lesbians in the U.S. Military by Randy Shilts. It's a huge book so I figured I would eventually read myself to sleep. Instead, an hour later I had worked my way from the 7 Years War to Vietnam. At 3:30am I decided to try laying down again... this time with Xanax. So jittery and sedated at the same time, I finally fell asleep and had to wake up 4 hours later. Nik, on the other hand, had to be up at 6. Thankfully she drinks enough coffee to fall asleep regardless of the caffeine shakes.

Nik and I started writing another song the other day. I'm really excited about it, and I would probably be a bit more pro-active about finishing it if I weren't so tired still.

For the record: I am trying to quit biting my nails for the ten-millionth time. It was starting to hurt too much to play guitar, so I had to put a stop to it.

Catholic church songs

2007-02-20T20:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not a church-goer... at all. BUT, I love those Catholic church songs. They are so tragic and depressing. I remember the Vandals did a cover of "Here I Am Lord" which rocked my socks off. I have no idea why I'm talking about this. I would likely go to a Catholic church just to rock out to some organ music. That and because they spell the pronouns 'him' & 'he' with a capital letter.

From SEA to LA pt.3

2007-02-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

Elliott Smith - Figure 8 wall in Silver Lake

From SEA to LA pt.2

2007-02-18T22:03:00.000-08:00

Eva's b-day/house-warming party

Eva's dad Marty

Dan and Kale

Eva, Kate and Sarah

From SEA to LA pt.1

2007-02-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

Nik and I got back from LA today. We had a great time with Eva and her friends. Here is the first of some of the photos:

L.A.

2007-02-15T00:04:00.000-08:00

Nik and I are heading to LA tomorrow afternoon.

Until then...

I never liked the movie "Waking Life"

2007-02-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

I have quite a few nightmares. They aren't usually very stressful because of how often I have them. I usually won't wake up stressed out, thinking something actually happened. Usually I will know that I'm dreaming when I'm having one. It makes me somewhat apathetic in my sleep. If someone is chasing me, I don't run that fast because I tell myself I will wake up when the bad part comes. I have always had lucid dreams, as well as my mom. She used to be chased by the same person in a repeated nightmare and someone asked her why she didn't ask them what they wanted. The next time she had the nightmare, she turned around and asked the person what they wanted and she never had the nightmare again. I never did find out what the person wanted... I'm not sure if she did either.

I don't typically talk about dreams, etc. because it irritates me. Whenever there is a dream sequence/flashback/fantasization in movies or books, I typically fast-forward. I think it's a cop-out from poor writers who can't think of anything else to add to the plot. But the other night I had a nightmare that I can't shake. I didn't know that I was dreaming when I woke up and I couldn't remember if it was real or not. It was a nightmare about work, which is even more unusual for me. I finally realized how dependant I am on working and how important having a job is. This may seem obvious, but up until now I have never had to worry about money. Not that I have always had an abundance, but I have always had a more accessible safety net. None of this is a complaint, just a reality that was long overdue.

New tattoo

2007-02-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

I finally got my x-mas tattoo from Nik. She got me a gift certificate at Supergenius tattoo's. Ryan did my tattoo and he was really awesome. I am going to go back to him for my ctrl+alt+delete tattoo (on the other side of my color bone). Nik is going to go to him for her next tattoo too. Anyways, here is a picture.

P.S. and no, Pi has no significant meaning for me... I just like the symbol.

Gay Marriage Solution

2007-02-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Christians & Republicans,

I have a plan. We don't have to negotiate on the gay marriage thing. In fact, I'm willing to drop the whole thing entirely. I mean, let's face it, marriage in terms of the law is sort of lame anyways. I won't feel the least bit slighted and you can forget we even asked for that civil liberty in the first place. You won't have to waste all of that time and money on elections and the wars that come along with your homophobia. You could even put those billions of dollars into a useful cause like universal healthcare or your children's education.

All of this will come to you under one condition: you give us a nice little tax break in exchange.

It doesn't have to be called a 'marriage' tax break, just a deduction for not being allowed to do the same things as other citizens of this country. I mean, why is it that we have to pay taxes in a country that doesn't give us the same rights as other citizens? So if you're allowed a deduction for breeding, or whatever it is that married couples do, then we should be allowed one for being queer. Let's face it, a tax deduction won't ruin the sanctity of marriage and now you can focus more on that pesky divorce rate.

Sincerely Yours,

Jen-

i don't have too many complaints.

2007-01-22T00:08:00.000-08:00

i was just thinking about how i always think about when i grow up things will be like this or that. it just occurred to me that maybe i'm already grown up. maybe the way things will be is the same as the way things are now. it made me feel like im running out of time. like this is my christmas vacation during the school year and i know it will end soon. but the weird part is, this could likely last until i die. what's strange is that i dont think i would mind. i like the way things are right now. i dont even mind the debt and paying rent. it makes me feel a little more real. granted it sucks to be broke and not have any time to develop anything aside from work-related shit. but in the end, im living a great life. i get to live/party in a downtown, metro city, without having to do any strenuous labor to support myself.

Michigan, Work, Debt etc.

2007-01-20T17:03:00.000-08:00

Nik and I got back from Michigan on Monday night. The trip went well and I would like to go back again soon to visit more. There were a ton of people we didn't have time to visit with, which is partially why we didn't let too many people know we were going to be there. My family is coming to Seattle to visit in June.

I started my new position this week. I really like what I'm doing now. I get to mess with Dreamweaver, Photoshop and also make decisions about the online community portion of our website. All of my coworkers are rad and I can't wait until we move to the new building. I like this position because I feel like it is challenging me and I'm learning a lot more about how dot com websites operate (e.g. PHP, MySQL, html, blah blah blah). I mean I don't know how to write code for PHP or MySQL but I think that just knowing how they operate within a website will give me the knowledge I need to learn the code.

In other news, I'm trying to commit to my New Year's resolution to get out of debt. I paid off one credit card and I cut up the rest so that I can't use them anymore. It will take us awhile, but eventually we will get there.

Right now, Nik is making me one of my favorite dinners of BBQ/mustard chicken pieces, spiral mac'n cheese and broccoli. MMMMMM!

More to come...

Orgasmic Cell Phone!

2007-01-09T11:50:00.000-08:00

Add a customizable vibrator on Apple's new iPhone and I would probably never put it away. After a few weeks of somewhat disappointing experiences with Apple's products, they launched this beautiful piece of technology. It's kind of like if the U.S. were to coincidentally find Osama bin Laden right before the 2008 elections. Just as I was about to lose hope in Apple products, they release a thin, sleek little monster of a cell phone (and I don't get too excited about cell phones). This release, not to mention the new iTV, has caused a serious consumeritis flare up. Now I just need $499 and a 2 yr. Cingular contract to relieve this outbreak.

^{© Copyright Apple Computer, Inc. All rights reserved.}

Goals for 2007

2006-12-30T23:56:00.000-08:00

so i feel like i've accomplished quite a bit this year in terms of personal development, so i feel like i should set myself some goals for this next year. one major thing i would like to see happen is to get out of debt. i have a plan in action and i definitely see it as a possibility. i would also like to start saving/investing in things aside from my 401k plan. my other misc. goals include: write more (of anything), read more, and become more active.

the other day my friend's boyfriend gave me a g4 mac tower that im going to use as a main network drive for our apartment. it's really nice and i cant believe he gave it to me for free. right now i think there are a total of 6 computers here (including a vintage iMac). apparently, I need to do some spring cleaning. speaking of which, if anyone is interested in nik's classical guitar, we are selling it for really cheap.

sorry this is so scattered. my brain is all over the place. i took a 3 hour nap today and it's made me really drowsy and somewhat incoherent feeling. until the next...

In lieu of an actual post....

2006-12-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

here are photos from my work party on December 5th....

karisslut on a date w/nik.

I especially enjoy Karissa's exhausted grin.

Lists - pt. 4

2006-12-15T15:24:00.000-08:00

Things I'm Excited for:
- Christmas (so I can give Nik her gifts!)
- Nik's B-day (Dec. 19th)
- my new position to start
- going to visit my family
- going to BR to visit Megs
- paying off my debts

Things That Are Bothering Me:
- I'm beginning to forget Japanese
- I don't have a reading light
- I don't wake up on time
- I get too many headaches
- I am lazy
- I bite my nails too short and then they hurt

Here are some pics from the other day:

Lists - pt. 3

2006-12-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

Things I've Done that I Can't Believe Happened:
- Plan B (not the morning-after pill)
- Plan B (the morning-after pill)
- the show at Babeland about 2 and a half hours ago
- too many drugs on New Years of 1999
- graduated from college
- learned some Japanese
- flew across the country to meet my gf
- fell in love
- came out to my family!
- talked to them again afterwards
- MOVED TO SEATTLE
- research on Cushing's Disease at UM
- started supporting myself w/o the help of my parents
- was propositioned by a man in Portland to have sex for $20.
- started DANCING
- felt independant and in love at the same time
- got OVER it (only 1 or 2 of you will have any idea what i'm talking about)
- started eating a more balanced diet (compared to my college diet)
- got excited for Christmas for the first time since I was a child.

** This list could also be referred to as "The things I'm either proud of, shocked by, or ashamed of."

*** I'm sure I forgot quite a few things, but it's late and I'm finally getting sleepy.

Lists - pt. 2

2006-12-06T01:01:00.000-08:00

Things I Won't Do (ok, maybe; if you pay me):
buy a pick-up truck
live in Texas
wear a dress (unless it's for halloween)
eat beef
go to church on my own behalf
LSD
meth
call pop "soda"
lose my michigan accent
pretend to enjoy someone's company if i don't
keep in good contact with people (even though i want to)
understand why Hole isn't playing anymore
remember not to dry wool
use less bleach
get out of debt

Lists - pt. 1

2006-12-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

Likes:
nik <3 <3
bbq/mustard chicken
courtney love (hole)
apple computers
buying things
watching movies in bed
substance abuse
homecooked meals
canada
candy
playing music
puget sound
DANCING!
seattle
tighty whities
michigan
the great lakes
wearing ties
anything nik cooks for me

Dislikes:
restaurant chicken
substance abuse
being broke
being in debt
walking in the cold/hot
Dell
cooking
not being able to be loud in the apt.
nosey landlords
northwest drivers
the deep south
bigots
religion
meaningful shit
wearing feminine clothing
cleaning
hot weather

Holiday Party

2006-12-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

i haven't been posting much lately. most of the things i want to write about would take too much time to sit down and explain. so in short, things have been going really well lately.

last night was my company's holiday party. everyone else took photos so it will be a few days before i get some uploaded on here. anyways, they rented out a restaurant for the evening down in Belltown called Spitfire.

it took about an hour of mingling before everyone was pretty smashed. there was a point in which i was considering (due to the debaucherous influence of my coworkers) getting down to my tighty whities but thankfully was left with some rationality. justin sang kelly clarkston and dedicated it to me of course. by the end of the night all i was thinking about was how thankful i was that they gave us all cab vouchers to get home. nik fell in some bushes by our apartment building and got dirt all over her. but yet, this morning im the one who woke up with a hangover.

Voyeurs, Michigan, etc..

2006-11-12T14:16:00.000-08:00

this morning as i was walking to the shower i noticed some apartments across the street. i have always walked naked to the shower with the windows wide open... but this time i noticed windows across the way. i started wondering if they had always been there and why i never noticed them before. then i realized that the leaves had all fallen off of the trees covering my windows, thus leaving my apartment fully exposed to the neighbors across the way. so now i either need to keep my shades down or use a towel... or i guess just keep walking to the shower naked. chances are, my laziness will prevail and i will be providing the neighbors with a new opportunity to try their hand at voyeurism.

nik and i got our plane tickets for the holidays. i'm in a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

Election Refresh

2006-11-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

all I have to say is Rumsfeld has resigned and the Democrats have control of the House and quite possible the Senate.

today is a good day.

it gives me a little hope considering we've been stuck with a cowboy war-machine for the last 6 years.

Halloween '06 - A Kurt Cobain Experience

2006-10-30T00:27:00.000-08:00

Last year we celebrated Halloween by carving a Nirvana smiley-face pumpkin at Jenny's party. This year we tried to keep some elements the same, but did it Seattle-style. (I will explain later)

On Friday, my cousin JD and his friend Dave flew in from Michigan and we dressed up and went out for a bit, but the night failed miserably as all of us were too tired to be out. On Saturday they decided to drive up to Vancouver for a little extravaganza on their own and Nik, Erica and I decided to try celebrating Halloween once more. We got in our grungiest, early-90's attire (ripped jeans, long underwear, etc.) and drove over to the park next to Kurt Cobain's old house. Recently, we brought our friend Heather there and saw what appeared to be an animal sacrifice laying on the bench. I still have a hard time understanding how chopping a rats head off and smearing the blood on a bench brings you closer to a dead celebrity, but we're talking about Halloween.

Nik brought a guitar so we could play some Nirvana hymns and feel really deep. It was really dark in the park and a ton of traffic kept driving by. I felt more like we were trying to be in Blair Witch Project than remembering Kurt. After awhile Nik roamed off and Erica and I equated that with her version of Gus Van Sant's craptacular movie "Last Days." It was quite a touching moment for all of us.

Here are some photos:

Kurt's bench (that he probably never sat on)

Nik remembering Kurt

"...the sun is gone, but I have a light..." - Kurt

"Don't you think these bright blue gloves add to my serious grunge attire?"

It's exhausting being this deep.

Oh, and the dead rat from our visit with Heather. Unfortunately, the camera didn't catch the dangling head on the other side.

Peace, Love & Empathy,
Jen-

BFF Extravaganza v.2

2006-10-15T12:48:00.000-07:00

ctrl+alt+delete has a new face. we now have 3 members (nik, james and I). we are full of ideas and soon we will have some new music recorded. I am feeling a little less reserved about playing in front of people. nik and james just rock out without hesitation & I love it.

Friday we had BFF Extravaganza v.2 at Lisa's apartment. She made some rad food and we all shoved our faces and lisa took incriminating photos that she can use against us at work. At least she made a nice slide show, complete with music from her rave days. And she thinks I’m the bad seed of the group. Pshh...

I really like the rain here.

Birthday & Anniversary

2006-10-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

This past Friday was my 23rd birthday and also my 1 yr. anniversary with Nik. This was the best birthday I have ever had. Erica, Nik and I went out to lunch at Aoki sushi and walked around Broadway. I bought two new pairs of plugs because I regauged my ears. After we rested for awhile, we all went to Charlie's to have drinks with Liz, Tobin & James. Tobin & James gave us this rad 1950's alarm clock with the greatest tick-tock you will ever hear. They also got me nice and inebriated for my birthday. James taught us how to show our cat who has the power. It involved a demonic hiss and us laughing for quite some time. James gave me his winter hat and we all went to their house to listen to Paula Abdul have one last drink. Liz got me an amazing little care package full of awesomeness. My mom sent me an Ikea gift card and a super warm blanket. My siblings sent me letters and drawings (we have our own little letter writing project). Nik got me the best gift ever, which is incredibly meaningful to me, but also very personal, which is why I am not giving the details of it.

I had such a good time and I'm so thankful that I have such a great group of friends and such an amazing partner.

On Thursday, my work took us on a cruise up to the Ballard Locks and back as a celebration of some of the recent accomplishments the business has made. It was fun and I took plenty of photos to use as blackmail (jk).

Anyways, I'm going to watch a movie.

Heather in Seattle

2006-09-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from Heather's visit.

We went to Rudy's and Nik and Heather got their hair cut:

Heather getting her tattoo done:

Nik being a Badass at the Laughing Buddha Tattoos:

and finally Erica was forced into a shot:

Just after my tattoo was finished:

2 Guests and No Kitties

2006-09-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

heather just arrived the other day to stay with us for a week. so far nik and i have had to work a lot so her and erica have been hanging out. tomorrow night my weekend starts so we can start doing fun stuff. the kitties are currently getting their balls chopped so they have been at the vets.

plans for the rest of the week:
- get some meds for heather's stomach
- go by kurt cobains old house (it's a fuckin' necessity for any tourist)
- check out Pike Place Market
- space Needle
- ghost tour at the weird museum with the bad oxygen bar
- underground tour
- party it up at the War Room
- party it up at home
- and party it up on the streets

Pictures to come soon.

Tiny Shark

2006-09-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

im off for a couple days unless i put in more OT this weekend (which I will). we're going down to portland to see nik's friends with liz and erica. erica just got here last night and is living with us until further notice. nik and i are so excited to have her here finally. im having one of those moments where you make a sound or look at someone and then you snap into reality and wonder how long you were doing that for and get really nervous. i was just staring at my computer keys when it happened. i am not sure how long i was phazed out. i have been working for so long this week and i am so tired. i think a bit sleep-deprived as i wanted to keep having a weekend while working during the days and it didn't exactly work out.

tomorrow is my student orientation and i am registering for classes. fuck, this message is too hard and im too hungry and tired to finish my thought.

i'm a cliche

2006-09-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

.
.
.
and i like cheap champagne.

La Fiesta

2006-09-07T00:19:00.000-07:00

and no, not the crappy restaurant in Monroe. tonight tobin and james came over for a mexican dinner. james made amazing salsa and nikkii handled the beans and chicken. tobin and i focused on eating... and lots of it. the food was so effin' good. all of us were silent while we ate because we were too busy shoving our faces. afterwards deborah came over and james and i mopeded over to his house for a second. here are some pictures from tonight:

the deborah (aka lezbrah)

and of course james

the infamous tobin

and another of james

In other news, Theodore (the smallest kitten) has worms and a respiratory infection so I'm really worried about him. Emerson doesn't seem to have worms but he does have the same eye infection. They both have to go into the vet on Friday for bloodwork and other kitten things before we can officially adopt them. I hate that they aren't feeling well. I can't stand to have them stay the night in some place with other sick animals. Nik and I are such moms about these little guys.

Up next: Next weekend's Portland excursion, school orientation, etc.

Names

2006-09-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

on friday i'm going to the courthouse to get an appointment to legally change my name. my entire name. i've decided to build it on 3 elements that are most important to me. myself, my relationship and my family. for the first time in my life i feel free to be who i am and to obtain that however i need to. it sounds ridiculous but i feel completely liberated. for the first time in my life i am able to completely support myself as an adult without the help of my parents. i'm living an openly queer life regardless of how accepting my family is. and im in a relationship that is undoubtedly one of the healthiest connections i have ever had with another human being. this isn't all necessarily related to a name change, but it is the freedom i feel at this point in my life to do as i need/want to. my name has never defined me, at least not in the way i think it should. so RIP jen.

Oceanfish & Salmon

2006-08-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

I just woke up and gave our boys some oceanfish & salmon. theodore is too small to climb on the bed yet and he hasnt quite figured out the pillow ladder i made him. he snores and it is so cute, although i know it is just because of his sinuses right now. the boys are on a strictly soft food diet because dry food often makes cats dehydrated and they wont drink enough water. the food is more smelly than dry food but they have healthy bellies. plus with theo being bottle fed, he is more prone to sickness. they both have been cuddling up all morning and i'm LOVING it. ok so enough about the cats. i'm becoming a weird cat owner.

tonight we're having dinner at nik's friend's apartment. im excited because i havent been able to eat a whole lot of my favorite foods lately because of my tooth. my oral surgeon said everything looks good and he will see me in 3 months for the implant. i want all of my teeth to be implants. if i had a million dollars i would have my entire mouth made of implants so i never had to worry about toothaches or cavities again. maybe after ive graduated and paid my student loans... ok so maybe after i've DIED. jk.

we're still working on getting this track laid down for the vocals. the tooth and the kitties has put a small delay. once we sit down for about 30 minutes it should go over smoothly. i will keep you posted. we're using the organ for the old track and for some beats. im really digging the lo-fi sound lately.

in other news, nik and i are celebrating our one year anniversary in about a month. instead of getting each other gifts, we are thinking about taking a small vacation. maybe vancouver, maybe back home, maybe L.A. We decided we would go somewhere or get some nice furniture because that's the queers in us. i cant believe we've been together for almost a year. it hasn't felt that long at all. i still get just excited to see her everyday. we never fight about anything and we still have interesting conversation. more importantly, the sex is still just as amazing. this is my dream gf... seriously. considering we had all odds against us when we got together, when we moved in together so soon, when i told my parents, and then moving, it's amazing that we are even together, let alone completely fucking smitten for one another. right now, i am the happiest and most content i've ever been in my life.

p.s. the kitties are playing now (i had to say one more thing about them)

The Boys

2006-08-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

Theodore came home today for the first time and is doing well with the exception of a small cold he has been fighting. He brought his friend Alfie (which we call Emerson) to help him get used to us. We just had a small photoshoot.

this is theodore in his napping pose:

and one of theo and his friend (we are having a slumber party tonight):

i am not a stranger

2006-08-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

ctrl+alt+delete has a new song that will probably be released in the next couple of days. we worked all night tonight recording it. a few things need to be fixed since i'm on too many pain medications to keep the timing right. we are also going to finish re-recording 'the other side' later this week. tomorrow im going to call about my tooth and hopefully get this fucker out of my mouth asap. in other news, we are picking up theodore bean this week sometime and are INSANELY excited about that.

in other news, we went to a party at nik's manager Jeannie's house yesterday with deborah and tobin. right as we arrived my mom called me and she put me on the phone with my dad. it's been over 2 months since he has spoken to me and i think my mom finally figured it out and forced him to talk to me. it was strange and detached, but a conversation nonetheless. i dont know why but i was happy even though the tension was so loud in his voice. i would rather have a disappointed father than one completely detached. at least at this point in my life i do. anyways, who knows when i will hear from him again, he didn't sound like he was comfortable enough to call me yet. we will see.

so keep an eye out for the new track 'i am not a stranger' and pictures of theodore bean. love, jen-

Grilled Cheese

2006-08-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

i love grilled cheese sandwiches! lots of grilled cheese sandwiches. all the time. with fake bacon bits and american cheese (the gross Kraft kind). even my sore tooth loves them. and my hot little barista makes them whenever i want them. i'm so spoiled!!

swooooooooon!
SWOOOOOOON!

RIP Molar

2006-08-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

so the root canal i had before moving went awry and i have to have the tooth extracted (aka yanked the fuck out). my entire jaw is in so much pain. thank god it's just a molar and no one can see it while i wait to get the implant. im way too vain to have a gap in my face. regardless, it blows that i just spent 500$ on a pointless root canal. anyways, my dentist from monroe called me in more antibiotics and some vicodin... neither are doing too much yet. so today im vegetating in bed and tonight nik and i are going to a bbq party thing.

good news: i got my first paycheck yesterday which was sooooooo nice. even with taxes and shit out, i still am making such good money now. i fucking love my job.

and i love my little barista even more:

We're having a BABY!

2006-08-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

..a baby kitten that is. we just received word that THEODORE BEAN will be ours in a little over a week. nik and i were so excited we ran out and bought toys, healthy food, organic wheat grass (for tobin and james' kitten too), litter and treats! here is a picture of our firstborn:

we are swooning so hard over him!

Post-Ray Birthday

2006-08-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

Nikkii's coworker Ray's birthday was yesterday so she made dinner and invited him and some other coworkers over. The food was rad and after we all went out to Matahari's (that isn't the real name, but I don't remember it soooo...) Anyways, I really like her coworkers more everytime we hang out. Everytime we hang out I have to force myself to go home to get some sleep so I can get up for work.

Today I got a check in the mail from Tully's for my training. Ha! I assumed since I quit that they wouldn't pay me. It was a nice surprise! Anyways, we have enough for September rent already and I haven't even got my first paycheck from my new job. It is so nice to not feel like we are going to have to starve for the next month.

Here are a couple photos of the view from my work:

Sunday Work

2006-08-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

So my job is from Sunday thru Thursday. My boss said since I work Sundays, I can come in whenever I feel like it. I think she assumed I would come in later. I took this as an opportunity to get there earlier and leave earlier. About an hour before I left, my coworker Ian came in. I like working Sundays, it's quiet and I feel less pressure... not that I'm under any pressure. It does get a little lonely though. Nik came and visited me for a couple minutes when she got off and I gave her a tour. She considers my work a tourist attraction for all of the visitors that are going to come visit us.

We might be getting a kitten soon. It is still too small and being bottle-fed because it was abandoned. Maybe in a couple weeks?

I bought us some Cat Power tickets for a solo show at the end up August. We are pretty fuckin' pumped about that. Neither of us have ever seen her live and we both have wanted to for quite some time. Good shows always get me motivated to write more music and I have been lacking motivation for awhile.

Today I had good sweet and sour chicken. Most chicken freaks me out unless Nik cooks it... but this place in Seattle has some rad sweet and sour chicken. I can't believe I'm writing about all of this pointless shit. I can't believe you're still reading.

No Milk and Alcohol

2006-08-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

last night nikkii's coworker amanda came over to cut her hair and we all ate some food. afterwards we ventured to someone's apartment to meet up with kammee and her gf maria. i made the mistake of having a bowl of cereal before we left, which didn't sit too well with kamikazes. we ended up going to this place, the war room--which was pretty rad. i didn't get sick, but i felt sick. i left and went to qfc and got some chips and came back inside. after about 15 minutes of being back inside i had to go home and sleep it off. nikkii was toast at that point--still, at 8:30am both of us woke up. i want to go back to the War Room but i'm not sure if it will be for the girl's night. i don't think nikkii and i are girls. we just don't get into the same things. it's weird. i loved the bar but felt insanely out of place--like i went to the wrong night. it's not a matter of feminity or anything... i think i would have felt more comfortable in a room full of drag queens that perpetuate every element of feminity. i guess it seemed like the queer girls are so..... normal. i dont mean normal in a bad way. i mean, im not sure i would ever have a clue they were queer if i saw them outside of the bars. i think that's good, that they defy the stereotypical dyke look. i just dont know if i fit into it. i dont consider myself a lesbian or whatever, nor does nik. i think that is one reason we both are so good for one another. i feel like we are our own weird gender. then again, none of this matters too much. i just wanted to say i felt out of place.

FISH!

2006-08-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow brings a close to my first week of work. I love my job. All of my co-workers are really rad, including my boss. My desk area is becoming more and more personalized as time goes on. Today I went to lunch at this thai place with my coworkers and had a free lunch on some financial company. Then when I got home from work, Nik had this elaborate meal prepared and ready when I entered. It was so good!! She even lit a candle (eiii)! Her coworker Cammy gave us an old futon/couch thing that folds out, which will be great for visitors and when Erica moves out here. We are also having a birthday celebration at our house and at the bar for Ray, another one of Nik's coworkers. Nikkii's going to make some Mexican food for us and we are all going to get drunk and eat tacos.

PBR

2006-08-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

i hate to break it to you.... but pabst blue ribbon is disgusting. for some bizarre reason it is like the elixir for hipsters. i dont understand.

Babeland

2006-08-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

I just got some rockin' free porn in the mail from Toys in Babeland. They were getting rid of their VHS's and sent them out for free. They even sent some coupons too. Now we just need a VCR and a TV for that matter.

Nik's been working a lot this week, which is good for the $$ but it's tiring for her. This weekend is Blood Drive IV and Nik is being sponsored by Arianna to join the Mosquito Fleet. She is super-excited about it and she is learning a lot about her moped. I'm not sure if I already mentioned that I transferred my membership from the Guns to the Mosquitos. I met a guy in the group who has completely modified his Kinetic, so apparently it isn't too hard to do.

I should be productive and get offline. I think I'm going to get an Oreo shake at Tully's and take lunch with my barista hotness!

Interviews, insomnia and antibiotics.

2006-08-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

i just finished my interview with printing/graphics/binding place, which went really well. i also have a final interview with the video game company tomorrow morning. both sound very promising and fun. both have great pay and benefits. if im lucky i will get to make the choice of where i work. cross your fingers.

last night i couldnt sleep at all. i kept waking up and rolling around. i had nightmares about my grandparents. nightmares about the handlebars burning off of my moped. i dont know why i was so wound up last night but now im barely awake. my dentist from monroe called me in a strong antibiotic for my tooth until i can get it looked at. the swelling has subsided and my jaw doesnt ache anymore. the pennicilin didn't help much at all.

this is probably the most uninformative blog ever and i apologize. i will write more when i wake up.

Mysterious Skin

2006-07-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

if you havent already watched this movie, i highly recommend it. it is quite disturbing at points and you will probably cry. but it's worth the puffy eyes and post-cry headache. netflix is such a great service.

in other news, heather got her plane ticket to come visit in september so we are pretty excited about that. nik is still rockin' hardcore at her job, the employees think so too. lately nik and i have been addicted to this online game called 1000 A.D., i swear to god, once you get started kiss your freetime good-bye. its worse than bingo for me, and that's bad.

yea i like bingo--shut the fuck up.

Lance Bass and a Sniper

2006-07-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

is anyone not THRILLED about Lance Bass coming out?! the lgbtq community is getting more rockin' everyday. we need better role models than melissa etheridge, i mean come on. and lance's boyfriend is quite the hottie himself so kudos to the two of them.

today i needed to go to walgreens but just as i was leaving nikkii texted me and told me not to go downtown. come to find out a sniper was picking people off in a Jewish center downtown because he was angry at Israel. seattle has been having it's moments these past few months with shooting rampages. tonight and tomorrow are the capitol hill block party. nik and i are going to meet her friend tomorrow night for partying fun. hopefully all of the extremists are on vacation then.

68

2006-07-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

the heat is gone and ive mellowed out. it's 68 and sunny. i love this weather. today i had an interview with a videogame company and i think i got the job. it has great pay, benefits, free gym membership, free internet at home, company pays cell bill, weekly bbq's, big comfy chairs and personal desks, free snacks and pop and i can wear jeans and a t-shirt to work. i also have friday and saturdays off of work. does this not sound like a dream job? everyone was really awesome. the owner played a prank on an employee which involved wrapping his entire desk and everything on it in tinfoil (stapler included). the office has an amazing 360 view of seattle and they keep the lights off in the office! im so excited about this job. it's like getting paid to have fun all day. it's also located 2 blocks away from my university. i really hope i get this job.

in other news, i also have a prospective job opportunity at a printing place near our apartment. this company does everything from screen printing, to small copying jobs, to large scale publications and binding. the employees seem really rad and i would love to know how to do different types of printing. so tully's isnt my thing. nik started working yesterday and really digs it. she has a really awesome location in the heart of capitol hill with great coworkers. it seems like things are finally coming together around here. in the next two months we will have a couple visitors and that is exciting. love, jen-

I'm a cynic

2006-07-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

i dont like many people. i will probably talk trash about you at some point. anything you tell me, i will at least tell to nik. i dont like gifts unless they include your bank's logo and a signature. i don't care too much about tragedy, unless it's my own. if i find out you even have the slightest of a crush on me, i will probably like you a lot less (unless you're nikkii, in which case i swoon--hardcore). i like to spend minimal effort entertaining others. i like this disinterest reciprocated in most cases. i hate high maintenance guests, if you fit in this bracket, please don't visit me--you will be disappointed. i dont like girls, i dont like guys. i dont like people who think any of the following are hip or trendy:

(a) mullets: (they aren't funny or ironic, they're disgusting--get a fucking haircut).
(b) being poor: (you didn't grow up on welfare and couch surfing until you call home for a place to crash isn't poor. you're insulting the people who actually have to struggle to pay rent on an apt. the size of a closet with more cockroaches than squarefeet). and honestly, since when did it become so trendy to be poor? if you will notice, the people who actually ARE poor aren't talking it up or writing about it on Myspace, why? because they can't afford a computer or the time off of work to go use one elsewhere. quit your bitching.
(c) bad spelling: (use spell check, it isn't hard and it saves my teeth from being ground down into my gums).

im not trying to be mean, i am being honest. if this pissed you off in anyway, you probably shouldnt be friends with an asshole. i'm out for now, thanks.

Dr. Laura needs to get laid

2006-07-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

i thought by coming to the west coast i would escape the radical conservatives. i thought that until i found myself staring at dr. laura's creepy face on the back of a bus. i flipped on her channel to see if what i remembered from my parents listening was really as bad as i recalled. i caught one of her caller's trying to figure out what to do about her personal insecurities and dr. laura told her to go to a mirror and repeat this (seriously) "mirror mirror on the wall, i'm NOT the fairest of them all. but dusty loves me and that makes me a beautiful". dr. laura's thought was that any woman who has a man love her is beautiful. so she tells this girl she's ugly but it doesnt matter since she's got a MAN. oh and dr. laura has cankles. ahahahaha.

honestly, do people actually believe this woman? or is it just for humors sake?

::shudder::

Heat.

2006-07-21T16:35:00.000-07:00

it's 96 in seattle right now. what the fuck? i heard it wasn't supposed to get much hotter than 80! i want a refund from my landlord for saying that. especially because the building doesnt have A/C. i was so spoiled by the gas-guzzling, anti-environment midwest that i'm DYING in this heat. anyways, it's not so bad. im laying on the floor with nik in front of a big fan with water and frozen grapes. until the next...

Bird Flu & Hazmat

2006-07-20T01:23:00.000-07:00

maybe sometimes ignorance is best. i am delighted to have enlightened myself on what exactly the bird flu is and just how much of a disaster it will cause (expect apprx. 20% of the world's population dead). for an idea of how much that is.... AIDS killed 25 million people in 25 YEARS, the spanish flu (an avian flu) killed 25 million people in the first 25 WEEKS. so now ive worked nik and i into an OCD frenzy and we are currently researching Hazmat suits and gas masks online for the best protection. considering a true pandemic lasts approximately 2+ years we have determined how we will eat/drink (with gas-mask on), shower and use the bathroom. i'm sharing this with you for your benefit. i laugh because this is humorous, but we are quite serious about it.

Organ

2006-07-19T13:46:00.001-07:00

last night nik and i picked up an organ off the side of the road. it is so rockin'! the thing was heavy as fuck.... at least a couple hundred pounds. we couldnt fit it in the trunk, or in the backseat so...... we put it on the roof of the car and the roof didn't even cave in. but then we didn't know how to get home without taking the expressway so yes, we got on the highway with an organ strapped to the top of my car.

when we finally got home my car couldn't fit in underground parking and we had to unload it on the street. after a huge struggle with a dolly we found down in storage and not fitting on the elevator... we have it home and it works!

you can expect a totally refurbished copy of "the other side" in the near future.

I Have a Job

2006-07-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

today i went in to fill out my new-hire paperwork at Tully's. i finally have a job! i have to go do training at their headquarters for 3 days and then i do my in-store training. the store is pretty busy, which makes me a little nervous since I don't have much experience with coffee or cash registers. but i only work on weekdays during business hours with full benefits so that makes up for my nerves. anyways, the internet gets hooked up tomorrow so we can start posting pictures again. until the next, jen-

This is for me, not you.

2006-07-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

I just need to write down the events of yesterday because I still find them odd.

Totals:
2 police calls
1 domestic violence assault
1 hit and run
1 weirdo
1 bomb squad
1 drunk man screaming

so first, we wanted some stain for our shelves so we could finally put them up. Sherwin Williams was closed so I thought if I just hopped on the 5-N I would run into a Home Depot or Lowe's somewhere. I got off the expressway around where I thought I had remembered seeing a Target and figured big business must be everywhere near that area. After driving around I spotted a hardware store but it was closed. nik saw a wireless cafe next door and suggested we pull in the lot and figure out where we were (our computers were on us). So I backed into the hardware store lot and put my car in park. BAM! All of a sudden I'm hit and I have no idea where it came from. So I look and some old fruit in a pick-up had backed into my car. I knew I wasn't moving and his window was blocked so it was obvious to me whose fault it was. We both got out of the car and my car had no damage and his was old and crappy looking as is. Considering it was his fault nik was like, "our car looks fine, does yours have any damage?" and the guy is like "PROBABLY! What the hell are you doing here? This is private property!!" he is in my face and then nik's face screaming at the top of his lungs. I was fed up and called the police because he was writing down my plates and saying he was reporting it. So I called it in and as I was on the phone he drove off really fast. I knew he worked or owned the hardware store and had his plate number. The dispatcher said it was a hit-and-run and she would send someone out. Remember, we were fine with letting him go, we didn't have any damage. So we are standing around waiting.

nik is anxious about the guy being up in her face, we really thought we were going to scrap with this motherfucker. So she asks this kid nearby for a cigarette. No cigarettes. But he was too excited to have someone to talk to he decided to come keep us company at the car. This kid, who probably hadn't showered in a week and had nasty patches of hair all over his face begins explaining how he "punched some bitch out after she slammed into the bumper of his Lincoln Navigator that his dad bought brand new for him". I assumed he was full of shit and got back in the car and shut the door. I wasn't feeling talkative, I was pissed about the crazy old man that hit us. nik felt bad for the kid and stayed outside and talked to him. About 45 minutes pass, still no cops. Kid is still there. She asks him where a convenience store nearby is and he offers to walk her. About 2 blocks away they notice the streets are blocked up because of a bomb situation and the dumb kid walks up to the bomb squad guy who is crouched over a package with a camera and is bugging him about what is going on. nikkii takes off and tries to ditch the dumb fuck but he catches up. Now it's going on about an hour and fifteen minutes. No cops, gross blackhead kid still lingering. nikkii gets in the car and he comes up to the window and just STANDS there. She opens the window and he asks to count our change. He counts it. I want to kill him. Then he spots our camera and wont shut up about how much it cost, where we got it. He takes nikkii's phone and is playing with it. He is touching everything. Finally after 2 hours of waiting the cops arrive and in 2 minutes they write up the report and we go to leave and the kid is eyeing up the semi-automatic assault rifle in the cop car. He has his head in the car and I'm trying to make sure this cop knows we don't know who the fuck this moron is. Finally we get in the car and say bye and the kid is like "don't I get to make a report?" (remember, he didn't see ANYTHING). nik was like, I don't think you need to and he looked sad as we drove off, like he wanted us to wait forever so he could annoy the fuck out of us. We leave and go home.

after dinner we go to the cafe for internet. When we get home nik realizes she left her phone there and they close in 15 minutes. We jumped in the car and drove up there as quick as possible. Some fucker calls me a bitch because he was standing (not walking) in the crosswalk and I was stopped waiting for him. After getting the phone, nikkii wants to kick the kids ass because we are tired and cranky. Instead at a stop light we hear a loud SMACK. We look over and this older guy has hit this woman and is yanking her by the collar of her jacket. nikkii yelled "leave her alone I'm calling the police!". She calls 911 and reports it, and the two start walking down the road. The guy turns around and looks at us, grabs his balls and says "suck it bitch". We are both furious now. We stayed on his trail and then three cops pulled up. After a huge ordeal involving them calling us until 1am, they arrested him. We were both exhausted and stressed and took Xanax so we could sleep. As we start to fall asleep we both hear "FUCK YOU BITCH! FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING WHORE!" I am in domestic violence mode and think someone is getting hit. nik looks out the window and some guy is screaming. I asked her if he hit someone. So after about 15 minutes of him screaming we go out on the patio, because we are Midwesterners and it wasn't like we could sleep anyways. Someone in a window yells for him to shut up and he responds with his original "fuck you bitch". He starts kicking signs and throws a newsstand over. Then he gets really mad and SWINGS around a tree and holds on a pole and starts swinging it back and forth. nik and I are crouched down on our balcony laughing so hard we could hardly keep quiet. So we do what every person from Michigan does, put our clothes on and went outside to watch. At 2am we are barefoot in downtown Seattle following a drunk guy down the road who is stomping around in his flipflops. Finally we went home and called it a night. Slept well until the 7am trash pick-up came for a good 30 minutes.

oh, today was good.

Life Goals

2006-07-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

when i was in 6th grade i proudly exclaimed to my mom that i was going to drop out of school and move to seattle to become a junkie like kurt cobain and courtney love and find their house. well today i accomplished one of my goals. im not a junkie. but nik and i did drive our mopeds by kurt and courtney love's old house, something we always wanted to do. the house was like it looked on tv except the neighborhood was much more upper class than i expected. tomorrow we are going back for pictures and not on mopeds as the hills in that area proved to be more than our little 2-strokes could handle and we had to push them up a couple. anyways... today i have accomplished two of my four 6th grade goals.

move to seattle (x)
drop out of school (-)
become a junkie (-)
find the cobain house (x)

i'm on a fuckin' roll. then again my goal right before the seattle-themed goals was something about running away with the circus so maybe i should consider myself accomplished and find some new goals now.

Hives Pt.2

2006-07-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

I went to a clinic today and the nurse said it's just an allergic reaction, nothing weird. Nik was worried that I was allergic to her since she's the only other thing that's been in my pants other than me. Rest assured, it is not her. Anyways, the nurse prescribed me an oral steroid and a topical steroid. So I guess I can't participate in the HIV-vaccine study now... hrmph. If you have taken steroids within a certain time frame you are not eligible because the steroids block your immune response and the HIV vaccine boosts your immune system.

In other news, I have a second interview at Tully's on Monday so hopefully it all works out. In the meantime I think I'm going to donate some eggs. My body is a factory for these things and I don't have to wake up early or dress up. CHA-CHING!! Medical risks, meh... this is capitalism muthafuckas: donate and DESTROY!!

Hives

2006-07-06T23:19:00.000-07:00

I have hives. They're everywhere. And I don't even know if they are hives.

Pshhh... I'm tired. Seriously though, I am itching everywhere, but mainly my legs and butt. I think I have to go to the doctor tomorrow to see what on earth is causing it. I already changed my detergents back and used hypoallergenic everything. I'm at a loss as to what is causing this. I have washed every piece of clothing Nik and I own but I just keep itching. Maybe stress hives? Maybe the solution used to clean my carpets? But I don't have it on my hands, feet, arms or torso really... mainly my legs and ass. And no, I didn't buy new pants or chonies. This may be more information than you wanted, but you're stalking me so ::scratch scratch:: fuck off.

Food, Mopeds, Weather, etc...

2006-07-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

It just crossed my mind that I am hungry. This isn't pointless chit chat, it's a huge step. I used to never get physically hungry, I would have to be reminded to eat by other means. Sometimes I would know to eat when other people ate, other times I just did it because I knew I had to or started to feel ill. Today, however, I feel hunger. Right now I could eat a plate of yakisoba and an entire roll of cucumber sushi. And guess what, that's exactly what I'm going to do. There is this great little sushi place in Ballard that Megan, Nik and I ventured to when we went furniture hunting. We didn't find furniture but we did find awesome food. So tonight we are going back there... possibly on our mopeds (now that they are running much better). But back to the hunger thing. I have to attribute it to the amazing chef I have. She makes me the best fucking food I've ever had. The mexican she makes KILLS me, I suppose it's the Fuentes in her. She has also gotten me to eat chicken and now I eat it like the carnivorous beast that I am. She cuts out all of the weird stuff and cooks it to the exact liking I prefer. I don't ask these things, she just does them, and does them WELL! Due to her fantastic skills I have developed an appetite for the first time since my senior year of highschool. I have an appetite, good food and a lady killa cooking it for me. I think I have reached zen.

In other news, the bitches who harassed me about moving to Seattle because of the rain will be happy to know it has been 78-82 and sunny every fucking day. I have not felt a drop of rain (not that it would bother me) and there hasnt been a cloud in the sky. All I have to say is: haha. From what I've heard, Michigan has been getting quite the storms so an additional 'haha' for that.

I hope you've enjoyed my gloating as much as I have. Rock on, jen-

Job Hunting

2006-06-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

the combination of job hunting and brokeness is making me consider the upside of stripping, being in porn or even walking dogs. yes, i posted an ad to walk people's dogs. i haven't started walking dogs, stripping or doing porn yet thanks to an interview i have at a coffee house on monday. i just applied for 3 different jobs at the hospital that are perfect for me. i could actually pay rent and bills. and nik probably has this other tech job that could give us some extra cash for furniture! all we need is a couch and table at the moment. im thoroughly enjoying our bed so far. im sure our neighbors are too.

Seattle Pride 2006

2006-06-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Here's a couple photos I took from the Pride parade. Everyone was out in support including: Seattle Public Schools, Seattle Public Library, numerous companies, politicians and even CHURCHES!!

here's a woman from one of the church groups:

african american gay pride group:

..and the latino pride group:

..and finally another of latino pride:

About the last post....

2006-06-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

... it was pride, give me a break. seattle is effin' amazing. im so so so happy nik and i are out here. i have tons of pride photos from the parade i can't wait to post. comcast isn't setting up my connection for 2 weeks so i can't post anything major until then.

i looooove my jesus

2006-06-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

seattle rocks! seattle pride rocks harder! and im smashed

amen

From MI to WA Pt. 3

2006-06-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

We're now in Portland and staying with Abi and Mara. Portland reminds me of a bigger version of Ann Arbor. A few times I had to remind myself of where I was. The weather, smells, people, food and places all seem so familiar. I'm not sure what I think about that but we are having a great time. I think car lag(??) hit me last night. I was really out of it and exhausted. I'm fairly certain everyone we have encountered in Portland probably thinks I'm from another planet.

Here are a couple more pictures for now...

As we entered Yellowstone Park, we were reminded to not grope the animals:

Which is good because this hottie was right next to our car:

On a side note, the bubbling mud was pretty rad.

More to come soon....
<3,
jen-

From MI to WA Pt. 2

2006-06-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

here are the photos i promised, enjoy!

the car all loaded up

a kayaker at Pictured Rocks

and another...

nik climbing up on some of the rocks (we weren't supposed to be doing this)

me climbing up on the rocks

From MI to WA Pt. 1

2006-06-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

We finally got out of Michigan around 4 on Tuesday and didn't get in to Pictured Rocks until about 2am. We were both very tired when we arrived. The next morning we had breakfast at this weird local place with a lot of wood inside and then went over to the lakeshore and saw the rocks. For some reason this hotel won't allow me to upload our photos. After driving across the UP, we drove through northern Wisconsin and Minnesota and made our second stop in Fargo, North Dakota. We drove 12 hours yesterday so we only drove about 7 hours today. Now we are stopped in Miles City, Montana. We've been searching for the perfect abandoned building to break into. We keep passing old broken down cars in the rocky hills like you see in the movies.

We bought magnets at a rest stop of every US state we have been together, so far there are quite a few:

California
Arizona
New Mexico
Texas
Oklahoma
Arkansas
Tennessee
Kentucky
Ohio
Michigan
Washington
Indiana
Illinois
New York
Wisconsin
Minnesota
North Dakota
Montana
*Ontario, Canada

(Coming soon: Wyoming, Idaho and Oregon)

I will try to post our photos as soon as I find a network that will allow me to upload images.
love, jen-

Last Night

2006-06-12T23:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight is our last night in Monroe. I'm staying the night at my parents and then getting up to get things ready for the trip. We are officially moved out of the apartment (so don't mail things there). I will post pictures of our trip as soon as we hit a hotel with wireless internet. More to come soon.... jen-

<3

2006-06-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

goddamn, i really love her.

she's the best corn shucker around.

Church = KFC?

2006-06-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post this awhile back and found it on my phone last night.

Thank you Father Sanders for your lovely Easter message. Only in Monroe do the fast food restaurants have to remind people what Easter is all about.

Graduation

2006-06-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Also, my sister just graduated from Notre Dame Academy (the highschool) yesterday so congrats to her. Tomorrow I have a graduation party during the day and then a small bbq courtesy of Nik's boss at night. Hopefully I won't post anymore blogs about wanting to do condiments. That shit just weirds me out.

Moving Update

2006-06-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Ever since Electric Beach ruined my sex life given the horribly situated sunburn, I've been forced to do other things like the dishes. I even packed a few boxes and planned our road trip to Seattle. We officially leave on June 13th and arrive in Seattle on the 20th. We are making a few stops to visit friends and tourist traps. We have our address now but I'm not posting it on here for obvious reasons. You can contact us if you want it. And if you don't know how to contact us, chances are we prefer it that way.

Burning Beds

2006-06-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

I give up. I've went tanning twice and after the first visit, I broke out in hives from photosensitivity mixed with that craptacular weed lotion. This last time, they must have gotten new bulbs or something because I look like a fucking tomato. I never burn in regular sunlight. So much for the 'Italians don't burn' stereotype. Apparently this Italian does. Thank you Electric Beach for forcing me to be abstinent for the next few days. Yes, I'm burnt EVERYWHERE.

Sexualized Food

2006-05-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

I just got done explaining how I want Molly McButter and Mrs. Butterworth on my face. Nik is mortified at what I have done to these condiments.

I also made up a new word:

horridously. this is somewhere in between horrendously and horrid.

don't worry, we'll be sober in the morning.

To the Monroe Kids

2006-05-31T13:14:00.000-07:00

We are taking off in the next couple of weeks so if you want to meet up, lets do it now.

Monster Bed

2006-05-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

I finally gave up with tanning outdoors. I'm impatient and like to see fast results. I got a two-week membership at Electric Beach tanning. I went there alone and really knew nothing about the whole process. The woman explained that I needed the Monster bed package and a 30$ lotion. When I got back, Nik and Erica said that I didn't need all of that. Anyways, my skin is already turning a little golden.

As for now I'm left with this: